We were discharged with BABY Kathleen Zara at 7:30pm AUGUST 1.

Where do we begin? what can we say; we love all the support and lovely messages to BABY Rock. Each call and comment and email embarrassingly makes us feel so loved,

Thank you for following my blog; which initially was not sure if it was a good idea. But after all the memorable wishes you all have sent us all, and how good you have made us feel while we are so far away; we feel so lucky to have this "super hi-tech" connection!

Last night, Mary Rose and I stayed in my private room next door to Chrissie's. We jointly did the 9, 11pm and 1am feedings. After 2am, we rolled baby Kathleen Zara (we have been calling her Kazie like Katie with a Z instead) to the nursery. We asked the nursery nurse to show us again any tricks to make her keep eating. Since she's so thin, and it was made clear to us she had to be on a 2 hour feeding regimen and must drain at least half the hospital bottle. She tends to like to sleep in the middle of feeding so we now have learned how to keep her on task. LOL

I would like to hope that she recognises our voices by now; but that is probably wishful thinking; although i can not deny that she quietens down and certainly loves to be "massaged" by us! Mary Rose is a sweetheart and tells me she is certain that she does know us!!!

Today was a roller coaster day; we were certainly jubilant (as Gail wrote me) just knowing that the legality of it all was more or less behind us. But exhausted too! All three of us remained highly cogniscent of Chrissie's feelings and I brought baby Kazie into to her room on more than one occasion when i felt i was being "greedy". Afterall, she HAD signed and it did ensure us that we would have Kazie for the rest of our lives, so why not wait another 12 hours. Easier said than done.

It became apparent to Matt, Mary Rose and me that until we left the hospital we would not feel at peace. We learned midway through the day that Chrissie wanted to leave at the same time we were discharged even though she had been free to go. Then Matt learned that she did not have a ride home and wanted us to give her and her son a ride home at the same time we would be leaving. It was a tough moment to enjoy walking out the doors with Chrissie remaining calm and controlled for her sake.

I felt badly for her because I', sure she felt too weak, emotionally, to recognise it would be better for her if she left us earlier. This fear was confirmed when she wandered into our room while the pediatrician gave us our "depature talk" and signed us out. I felt weird talking about what to expect in the next few weeks; but the pediatrician did not stop talking. She even sat on my bed and listened with us. I doubt if roles were reversed that i could have done the same.

As much as i knew we were less than hours from escaping to the hotel, I knew i would not feel "real" until we no longer felt the pressure to share. The guilty feeling i think we all were experiencing privately made us exhausted.

The nurses were wonderful and once the custody order was clipped on the baby's clipboard, they were very good at supporting our wishes.

At 730pm, exactly 48 hours after her birth, we all walked out the front doors of St JOHN, and squeezed into the monstrous minivan! Mary Rose and i squeezed into the 3rd row with the car seat-which turned out to be a blessing. When we arrived to Chrissie home On Post, i was unable to get out which make our "drop off" short; which was tough ehough as it was. Chrissie got in the back with me and was crying and when i hugged her over the carseat, she said, "you are going to make me cry more if you do that." We laughed and she got out. We said we would stop by on the way to the airport; afterall like she said," it not like its forever" and i said she was right.

As we pulled away, i think we secretly felt so close to being purely peaceful- although one of us said- could have been me-"We're alone-we made it". When we arrived "home" at the Homewood Suites i said to Matt, I can't really believe we were walking around with a newborn that is ours!

We gave her spongebath in the hotel room's sink. When I look at Kazie I can't believe something so small is active and living; i know that must sound weird but It's just surreal to suddenly have her in our room.

I finally unpacked her suitcase and we lined up all the diapers and wipes! We had fun looking at all the clothes i brought and for the first time imagined her in them! How cool!

Tonight, we sent Matt to bed because he needs his strength to drive back on base and help Chrissie with a favor at noon tomorrow. Mary Rose and I sharing the sofa couch and kitchen/dining area with Kazie. Our plan is to doze and feed baby girl til the wee hours . The we will have a shift change and switch roles with Matt! Our plan is for all of us to each get at least 6 hours in a row of sleep- Mary Rose has promised me she will takes many naps tomorrow! She has been a God send and offering help joyously beyond the call of duty!

We may even have word about being allowed to leave Kansas by Friday or Monday! How exciting! Although, i actually found myself telling Matt that there was something almost relaxing being in the hotel room, where one feels no pressure to do housework or vacuuming.., just one assignment to worry about- baby duty!(wink wink)

Signing off for now, Kazie sends a burp! Hopefully more recent pics tomorrow! i'll try and keep it shorter next time for sure! love jocelyn